I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
