Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize