Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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