he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize