I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
