either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
