I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
