Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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