Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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