i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
