i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
