dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a beard to bite.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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