Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
