my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
