i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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