Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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