Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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