we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
