I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
