Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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