so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
