We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
