He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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