bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
