Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
