My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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