He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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