hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
