a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Alive.
So much puke
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
