We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
