i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm passing your future prison.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
