It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
