i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
