So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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