when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
