I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
