It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
