I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
