You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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