she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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