He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
