Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
