then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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