Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
