I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
