the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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