so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
