its not stalking. its research.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
