found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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