Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
