I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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