I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
