how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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