i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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