i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
