You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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