This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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