He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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