Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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