My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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