I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize