Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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