Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize