just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The air was thick with penises
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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