Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
