You really coming over, don't trick.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
