Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
