Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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