Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
