my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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