i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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