your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
