Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
