I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
