Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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