What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
