1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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