Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
