Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were trust falling into bushes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
