Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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