this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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