Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
