is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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