i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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