needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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