How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
