So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
