I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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