quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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